I am in a house with clocks that are not right. In the land known as vacation, knowing whether or not it is 10 p.m. is not important in my book.
As a person who thrives on knowing the exact time, learning to live in a world where time does not exist is daunting.
As I lay on my bed tonight, pumping milk as my child slept in a portable crib at the foot of the bed, I found myself reading a book and feeling inspired.
Inspired by the story I was reading. No, the story wasn't one like "Good Will Hunting," where I find myself desiring to enter Harvard and become a mathmatical genius. I found myself inspired to write.
Since having a baby in July, my interests have fallen by the wayside. My once-daunting desire to write has become lackadaisical at best, just another thing I had added to my "things I'll never finish" pile.
But the book, a "chick lit" book about relationships, made me want to write.
It felt good to want to be alive, to want to do something. Even exiting my normal spot in front of the television to play a game of Yahtzee felt unusual. When I found myself winning, I felt pride.
I could do this! I could win Yahtzee!
It always astonishes me when someone who I feel doesn't know me that well says they think I'm bright. They think I'm smart, think that I could go places. I find myself in awe of the fact that someone could think that I'd be more than some average schmuck just living the day to day life.
They think I could go places. They think I could win.
I'm not always sure of being a winner, but I'd rather take my chances. Acting complacent isn't going to be enough.
Posted by Rachel at November 26, 2004 05:50 AMI think it quite normal, in fact healthy, for our interests to backslide for awhile following the birth of a child. The child becomes the focus of our creative and intellectural interests. Whether a first time mom or not, we eat, sleep and drink with thoughts of our child in our minds. Our children are our biggest projects in life.
But the time does come for outside interests to intrude, and that is good as well.
Good luck in getting something down on paper. The novel that is in you also needs to be born.
Posted by: Rachel Ann at November 26, 2004 07:32 AMI know that feeling. I KNOW it. I swear to you I do. Those cycles of time where every idea that comes in through television, books, and movies becomes a source of inspiration. Your brain feels so responsive, it's as though you've recently oiled all it's moving parts. Write like crazy, because it may subside back into molten infantile mush. I'm not saying that to be discouraging, I'm just being realistic. I have several novels in me, I can feel them all, and I was a little (!) dissapointed when they subsided to the call of domesticity. If this happens to you don't freak out. It'll come back. In the meantime, satisfy your brain.
Posted by: Antonia at November 28, 2004 02:48 AM